


A Source of Hope

by Annaelle



Series: Malec Oneshots [3]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M, Malec's first ILY, YES IT IS THAT SCENE, spoilers for 2x10
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-07
Updated: 2017-03-07
Packaged: 2018-09-30 16:45:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10167419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annaelle/pseuds/Annaelle
Summary: He didn’t want the last thing he said to Magnus to have been something that could make the warlock doubt how much Alec cared—loved, he loved Magnus, and no horror stories about downworlder-shadowhunter relationships gone wrong would scare him off—about him.And so he kept looking.





	

**Author's Note:**

> First response to the winter finale :D Unbeta'd, so be kind :D  
> I felt like the 'fight' in the previous episode was glossed over a little, and I kind of wanted to dig into Alec's head about it. 
> 
> Hope you like it :D

# A Source of Hope

## “We begin to realize that it will take something more powerful than we are to relieve our suffering. This is what we’ve been missing all along – a source of hope.”   
―Marta Mrotek

_“I didn’t know!”_

_“You knew enough.”_

———

The words ran through his mind on repeat, tumbling over one another until all he could hear was an increasingly loud crescendo of Magnus’ and his own voice. He was not entirely oblivious to the panicked buzz of voices and tension that ran rampant in and around the Institute, but he couldn’t bring himself to care, because _he couldn’t find Magnus_.

His heart was pounding and he could barely breathe, and he swore he had checked every room in the Institute _twice_ , searched every nook and cranny, and _Magnus wasn’t there_.

He had, after a while, even gathered up the courage to look among the dead, dread sitting heavily in the pit of his stomach as he searched for Magnus’ familiar features and relief pouring through his veins when he didn’t find it there. At the same time, his worry had only intensified, because just because Magnus hadn’t been amongst the dead didn’t mean he was alright.

He wandered through the hallways aimlessly, fruitlessly checking rooms he’d checked three times already, desperately attempting to keep from driving himself mad, because Izzy was alive, and so were Jace and Clary and even Simon—

And he was terrified to admit that none of that would mean anything if he’d lost Magnus.

The last thing he’d said to Magnus had been in anger and fear—fear for his sister, anger at himself for not seeing that she needed his help sooner—and though he’d replied positively when Magnus texted him to ask him if they could meet to talk, to put in that _effort_ into their relationship, the last words they had actually spoken to one another had been said in anger.

He didn’t want the last thing he said to Magnus to have been something that could make the warlock doubt how much Alec cared— _loved, he loved Magnus, and no horror stories about downworlder-shadowhunter relationships gone wrong would scare him off—_ about him.

And he knew, _he knew_ , there were other things he should be thinking about, a Parabatai that needed his comfort, his strength, but _he couldn’t_.

If Magnus was—

If he was—

Angel, he couldn’t even _think_ it, because the thought of existing in a world without Magnus in it was _unbearable_ , and it would be _Jace_ who did it—his Parabatai would have taken his… _Magnus_ from him—and Alec wasn’t sure he could deal with that.

And so he kept looking.

It didn’t even occur to him to try _calling_ , because as much as he’d like to hear Magnus’ voice, much as he’d like to know his boyfriend was alive and well—

He knew himself well enough to know he wouldn’t be able to believe it until he actually _saw_ him.

Until he could _touch_ him and _hold_ him.

He searched for _hours_ , both in the city and in the Institute, desperation unfurling throughout his entire body as each new second passed during which he couldn’t locate his wayward warlock boyfriend.  

Finally, at the break of down, he made his way out of the Institute, hands trembling ceaselessly as he pushed past nameless other Shadowhunters and Downworlders, head whipping back and forth as he tried to _see_ , because after this he’d have to go to the loft, because that was the only other place he hadn’t checked yet, even though it should have been the _first_ , and he just—

 _He never got to tell him—what if he was really gone—what if these past few weeks were all he and Magnus were going to be given—it wasn’t enough—he was starting to think even forever wouldn’t be enough—he_ needed _him—angel, please, let him have this._

And then there was a hand on his arm, with elegant fingers and dark fingernails and numerous rings, and Alec didn’t even need to turn around to _know_ —

But he needed to turn around to _believe_.

A shuddering breath fell from his lips when he _finally_ laid eyes on his boyfriend, one that he had not even known he was holding, and before he had even registered what he was doing, he’d drawn Magnus into his arms, burying his nose against Magnus’ shoulder to inhale his scent, relishing in the comforting weight of Magnus’ body against his.

And something inside of him slotted into place, and he could _breathe_ again.

_Magnus was here—he was with him—he could feel him and touch him and smell him and—and he still hadn’t told him everything._

Reluctantly, he withdrew from their embrace, slightly gratified by the way Magnus trailed his hands down over Alec’s arms, as though he couldn’t bear to be parted yet either and choked, “Magnus, I thought—”

He couldn’t even finish the thought. There was, fortunately, no need to, because Magnus _knew_ —of course he did—and shook his head, keeping one hand on Alec’s arm the entire time, as though he too needed the physical reassurance that they were both there and safe. “I found Madzie,” the warlock says with a small smile. “Got her out just in time. I took her to Catharina’s. She’s _safe_.”

It was a relief, intellectually, to know that the little girl he’d grown fond of was safe, but his entire mind was preoccupied with a single thought, repeating itself over and over again until he could barely even _hear_ Magnus anymore.

_Tellhimtellhimtellhimhedeservestoknowwhatifhe’ddiedtellhimhedeservestoknow._

He barely managed more than a nod to acknowledge he’d heard Magnus before words started falling from his lips, like a unstoppable current. “Look, Magnus, on every mission I’ve ever been on, I’ve never felt that type of fear. Ever.”

Magnus frowned, and Alec could tell he wanted to say something, but he needed to say this first, before he lost his nerve and resorted to simply kissing Magnus in an attempt to express himself.

“Not knowing if you were alive or dead… I—I was terrified.”

His heart pounded faster when Magnus reached out to him, curling his fingers around his forearm as the warlock admitted, “So was I.”

And the look in Magnus’ eyes was encouraging as well as terrifying, because he _knew_ Magnus well enough to know how he was feeling even though they’d only been together for a very short time, and if his feelings for this man intensified _so fast_ over this short a period of time, he was both excited and fearful to find out how his feelings for him would evolve now that they had _time_.

“Magnus, I—” Alec hesitated, feeling slightly faint and wholly unprepared for the way their relationship would _shift_ after he said this. “I love you.”

He could feel Magnus stiffen for a split-second, eyes wide and disbelieving, before he softened, lips tilting upward into the ghost of a smile as he replied, “I love you too.” The way he said it baffled Alec for a moment, because the phrase sounded like it was the most normal, obvious thing in the world, and it took Alec a few moments to realize that _it was_.

He loved Magnus and Magnus loved him.

As the realization crossed his mind, he surged forward and pressed his lips to Magnus’, curling his hands around the older man’s shoulders to keep him close, to ground himself and _relax_.

They made it.

When they separated to breathe, Alec couldn’t bear to pull himself away from his boyfriend, pressing his forehead to Magnus’ as he caught his breath, before tugging the other man closer into another hug, melting into his boyfriend’s embrace gratefully.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered against Magnus’ shoulder. “For yelling at you.”

He barely suppressed a shiver when one of Magnus’ hands slid up from his shoulder into his hair to cradle the back of his head. “It’s okay,” Magnus replied, equally soft and quiet. “I love you.”

“I love you,” Alec echoed, shutting his eyes for a moment as he buried his nose into Magnus’ shoulder.

He was home.

He had his Magnus.

And he was never letting go again.


End file.
